He was born on a Friday…

of that I can be certain.

I was scared of giving birth and despite being the first to mention epidural in our ante natal group had visited the midwife led birthing centre on Christmas Eve. I’d done pregnancy yoga, given up smoking, come off my antidepressant with encouragement & guidance from my GP, our bags were packed with every item we could possibly “need”, we were going to do this and meet our son!

The day before his arrival had been like many others of my maternity leave – quiet and restful. Glen had returned to work after the Christmas holidays. We were meeting our NCT group for drinks early evening. We’d regularly been meeting and there had been 3 of our 8 babies born already. Glen and I had cross texts because I was annoyed he was so late coming back from work but we had enjoyable drinks and decided to go for dinner out as a treat.

We returned home and the first pain made me scream – I’d never felt anything like it. My waters broke as I stood in the kitchen and there was blood and what I (now know) suspected was a clot. If I’d been scared before I’m not sure what word could describe how I felt in that moment but worse was to come.

We phoned the hospital for guidance and were told to come in (the hospital at a later date admitted we should have been told to call 999). I think now, that is how I remained relatively calm. Surely they knew something we didn’t. Glen was learning to drive at the time and had the pains not been so bad I would have driven myself. I put a bed pad on the passenger seat (couldn’t get blood on the seat). Safe to say it was far from the best journey – we even took a wrong turn but we got there.

By this point the pains were so bad we had no option but to get a wheelchair. We arrived at the labour ward, where no other mothers were labouring, only to be told to wait in reception. I was pacing, sitting in the wheelchair, trying to get some comfort but concerned that our son was in distress as the blood was still coming and the pains felt far from contracting.

Eventually a lovely student midwife came but it was to take me to be weighed down the corridor – I was far from calm now but managed to keep tight lipped, mainly due to fear of upsetting anyone involved in the delivery of our son. The midwife (I want to not call her that because she was a disgrace) came round the corner and rudely asked why I was in a wheelchair – I couldn’t help myself ” because the pain feels like I’m being stabbed and I didn’t want to drip blood all over the floor” was my response.
She took us back up the corridor to the triage room – just bigger than a broom cupboard – where the 5 of us just fitted. Then began the process of the belt being put on to check our son’s heartbeat. You know you’re not in safe hands when the student midwife looks fearful and asks her superior if she can help – she was making such a mess of it – pulling the belt through and forgetting to hold the end…

And then we heard it, that muffled little thud of a heartbeat and we felt reassured. There was no paper in the machine or something similar so another machine was bought in. In between time a Dr came to examine me.

Glen asked the midwife at this point whether he should get the bags and move the car from the disabled spot where we’d hastily parked. She answered abruptly “yes, go”… Now I realise rationally that no one knew what was going to happen next but I was terrified and to send away my husband is something I can’t forgive, both for myself and for him.

As soon as the second machine was attached it was clear that there was a serious problem with our son’s heartbeat. It felt like Glen had just left the room when the emergency alarm was being slammed. I begged for them to find him and will never know if they even tried.

A gurney was pushed into the triage room which really left little room for anyone standing yet there seemed to be so many hands hoisting me over from the static bed. I had questions being asked of me from all different angles “there’s no time for consent forms are you happy for us to proceed” and all I remember saying between sobs was “please save our son, do whatever is necessary”.

In the operating room things calmed momentarily and a new midwife asked if I was wearing any jewellery & when I’d last eaten. I started to take my earrings out whilst answering the question and was told there was no time. I realised this as they started to put iodine on my stomach and I said “I’m still awake”…
I remember nothing else…

Sebastian John Bone entered the world at 00:17 without his Mum or Dad… He was a healthy 9lb 2oz and went from 7 to 10 on the scale within minutes.
I on the other hand was far from healthy. I was kept unconscious because I had, upon intubation, aspirated in to my lungs and they need to be cleaned…

Glen had returned to the triage room to find it empty – ever the gentleman he had knocked and it was this that alerted a midwife to come and speak with him. Even then he was told very little and just left to wait.

They bought Seb to him shortly after 1:00 and upon enquiring about me was told that “someone will come and talk to you about your wife”. That’s just not acceptable particularly because that someone took some time to come.

It would be a further 4 hours before he saw me again…

I was bought back round after 5:00 and transferred to the High Dependancy Unit as there was no room in Intensive Care. It was after 6:00 when I saw Seb for the first time that I can remember and it was a fleeting visit. In my dazed state I was convinced it was the midwife from the night before and I tearfully begged Glen not to let her take him and insisted he went with Seb. I think my thought process was she hadn’t taken care of us before so there was no way she was to be trusted with our son now.

My Mum had arrived at the hospital after what can only have been a sleepless night. I had called her when my waters broke and she’d then heard nothing until Glen knew I was going to be ok – he didn’t know what to do, how do you text or call someone’s Mum when you really don’t know what has happened or whether they are actually going to be ok…

Thank you just doesn’t seem enough….


It was October 2012 when I discovered Postpartum Progress – I’d been out of hospital for a year and although in recovery I felt very alone.

Alone, in what had happened to me, that no one really understood the depths of the despair and the very real heart ache that having been so unwell had left me with. It was like my constant companion along with the grief and guilt…

Then I found the wonderful site created by Katherine Stone – this was different to any other site I’d seen. For starters there was a photo of Katherine – she was real, her warm smile was so welcoming. It was regularly updated with relevant information and new posts all of which seemed to have points where I was nodding along… It gave me hope, particularly The 6 Stages.

I emailed Katherine to ask if she would take a photo of a UK survivor for the Warrior Moms Photo Album.

Her response was almost instant – “Are you kidding?! Of course I’ll take a photo from a UK survivor! We want to support women all over the world! I’ll be sure to add you. Thanks for reaching out to me!”

She thanked me for reaching out to her!

She thanked me…

I was so genuinely moved – I couldn’t believe it… We’ve kept in touch ever since.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my experience but I was/am so inspired by her that it helped me to realise that I had to do something. So I’m an advocate and often I ask for her guidance.

Some would say that empathy and compassion cost nothing, but they do and to give yourself to all mothers every time… and for 10 years – WOW!

I’m in awe of how she does it and she does it with such beauty, grace and strength.

I cannot wait to meet her one day x

I know I’m not the only one in the UK to benefit from Postpartum Progress – we love you Warrior Mum-In-Chief x

HOPE is our four letter word x

Next weekend is going to be fabulous! Part 2 Climb Out of the Darkness

On Sunday 22 June 2014 I’m joining with three amazing women that I am so lucky to call friends.

We each had severe post natal illness after the birth of our children but what really brought us together was our passion to get the message out that recovery is possible!

We want to increase people’s understanding of these illnesses.

We can’t change what happened to us and perhaps some would say it would be easier to forget – we disagree! The anguish and pain that we suffered drives us to find purpose in our experiences. It’s also abundantly clear that there isn’t sufficient help out there and this needs to change.

It is estimated that 1 mother a week in the UK loses her battle with post natal illness!

For each of us, losing the battle was a real possibility.

This is personal for us but it’s personal for you too, if you have a sister, daughter or friend who may give birth or become a new parent…

Post natal illness does not discriminate – it can happen to anyone!

We are passionate about challenging the stigma which creates fear of disclosure for many new parents.

Each of our stories is here:





So why Climb Out for Postpartum Progress.

There are numerous reasons but here are a few…

Katherine Stone is FIERCE – she is the Warrior-Mom-In-Chief and started the blog in 2004 – some of us found her blog in the US before we found support closer to home. I became the first UK Mum in the Warrior Moms Photo Album and receiving a personal response from Katherine during my recovery has always stayed with me.

Also half a million women annually are accessing up-to-date information in plain language about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders on the Postpartum Progress blog and, more importantly, are able to hear from other moms who have recovered. 

In 2011 Postpartum Progress Inc followed it is a non-profit organization and online community of support resources for women experiencing postpartum depression and all other mental illnesses related to pregnancy and childbirth.  The funds raised from this event will allow Postpartum Progress to create new educational materials to be used by obstetricians, paediatricians and others, as well as new materials to help educate the media on the public health impact of postpartum depression and related illnesses on mothers and children.

Climb Out of the Darkness is now the world’s largest event raising awareness of maternal mental illness. As of today, there are more than 120 different Climbs that will take place throughout the US, Canada, Switzerland, Australia and New Zealand.

On or around the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, survivors all over the world are organizing to climb or hike to symbolize their collective rise out of the darkness and stigma of maternal mental illness as well as to raise funds to support Postpartum Progress founded to help support moms around the world.

This is a global issue and we thought it important that the UK showed their support.

 COTD 2014

So our Climb is on Sunday 22 June at 10:30 and is very “London”! 

We’re climbing up the 320 steps at Hampstead Tube Station (the lowest station on London Underground)

Then we’re walking to Wembley Park Tube Station (2 hours+)

And then we travel to Amersham Tube Station (the highest station on London Underground)

If you would like to sponsor us you can do so here.

Next weekend is going to be fabulous! Part 1 BritMums Live 2014

I am beyond excited to be going to BritMums Live!

I felt that the opportunity to be surrounded by lifestyle bloggers and social influencers was not to be missed i.e. I want to be surrounded by the positivity and love I see daily in the blogosphere and twitterland!

Name: Beth

BlogBeth Bone (The musings of a London loving Mum…)

Twitter ID: @BB576

Height: Tall – 5ft 10ish

Hair: Brown bob

Eyes: Dark Brown but will be wearing glasses

Is this your first blogging conference? No, it’s my 2nd

Are you attending both days? Yes

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2014?

Meeting up with amazing people, whose writing I love!

In particular though I simply can’t wait to hug Jen – we managed to miss each other at mumsnet!

What are you wearing?

I sorted this on the 1 June (don’t ask…)

Joe Browns from Simply Be on both days!

(Fri: Atlantic Ocean Tunic with jeans/Sat: Marvellous Floral Maxi Dress)

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2014?

I just want to learn more about blogging (my blog looks beautiful due to the wonderfully talented Helen but it needs content and regular updates).

The agenda is packed with great sessions!

I’ve picked in advance so that I don’t lose track on the day i.e. talk too much in the breaks!


How I Did It: Success stories from high-profile bloggers

The power blogging can bring to your life


How To Be an Agent of Change; Advocacy and charity campaigns

Social media for advanced people

Collaboration: Working together for bigger traffic and larger impact

Beginning blogging

New ways to Monetise

Mama me-time

Looking forward to meeting new people and learning lots xxx